So, we've spent a couple of years berating you (and ourselves) over the low-budget, low-effort Valentine's gifts that have become the norm. We're going to give you a bit of a break this year. Instead of ranting and nagging, we're going to take a more positive view of things.
As for the feeble efforts from years gone by, we've heard the submissions from the defence: the desperate tales of mitigating circumstances. We've heard about the cash-flow problems and the overworking that leaves no time for thoughtful shopping. We've heard how the shops were sold out by the time you got there, and we've heard how your partner said that they were fine with the hurriedly scrawled "I O U a gift" note.
We're not moved. Get a grip. Up your game.
But we said we weren't going to nag, didn't we?
The more positive view
Rather than harping on about the miserably inadequate performance last year, the year before that and the year before that, we're going to offer a few hints aimed at demonstrating your devotion without emptying your bank account.
There are countless thoughtful gestures you can make to give your partner a Valentine's Day to remember. Many of them cost nothing more than a little consideration and effort, so there's no excuse not to do more than one nice thing for your better half. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
Create a romantic atmosphere
Scented candles, music, subdued (not dangerously inadequate) lighting. You know the kind of thing. You've seen it in enough movies. That kind of cliche gloom that partially conceals your grey hairs and crow's feet.
A romantic photo album
Surely you must have photos of the two of you together. No, not those: we mean nice photos that don't involve too much alcohol and flushed faces. We all take more photos than we did before smartphones came along, but how many of us actually look at them again after we post them to Instagram? Print some out. Make a physical photo album and give it as a gift. You'll be surprised how well it works.
A homemade card
Not just a hurriedly folded piece of A4 that you scrawled on in biro; we mean a beautiful, carefully constructed masterpiece bearing thoughtful words in your very best handwriting. You could even have a stab at some real calligraphy. YouTube will tell you how.
Wax sentimental
No, we're not talking about candles again. Have you never heard the expression "to wax poetic" or "to wax lyrical"?
Write your partner a sincere letter or poem. Open your heart: bare your soul. The pen is mightier than the cheap prosecco.
Devote the day to your partner
If not the whole day, then as much of it as the day job will permit. Don't just shoehorn in a few gestures as you otherwise go about your usual routine: reserve the time available and give your full attention to your partner. No nipping off to play Call of Duty or Rockstar.
Get a babysitter* and take your partner out
It doesn't have to be a West End show or dinner at The Ritz (although that kind of thing does seem to go down well), but an evening out at a local restaurant, even a trip to the cinema, could make a nice change. If you choose the cinema, don't forget to pick the movie to please your partner, not yourself. Just grit your teeth and try to stay awake for the couple of hours of torture, whether it be an excruciating rom-com or mindless slaughter on an industrial scale. Console yourself with the knowledge that you're doing something nice for the one you love.
(* Where applicable. If you don't have children, the babysitter may not be essential.)
Make contact
Remember when you used to hold hands naturally, and not just when you're trying to drag your partner away from a tempting and expensive shop window display?
Use your talents
We've already suggested penning a letter or a poem, but how about going full-on magnum opus? If you're an artist, create a picture or a sculpture; if you're a musician, write them a song; if you're a photographer take a picture of the two of you together and frame it. Using your talent, craft or skill, you can give a little piece of yourself.
Cook a meal
Oh, yes you can. Just stop with the excuses. If you have a kitchen and you can read a cookbook or an online recipe then you can cook something. If a meal really is beyond you then bake a cake or some muffins. Oh, for heaven's sake … Look, just make some of those chocolate rice crispy things, ok? A six year-old could do that.
Do your partner's chores (without seeking praise - just do it)
Clean the kitchen and bathroom. Clear out that disaster area under the stairs. Put that shelf up. Just don't stand there afterwards looking angelic and waiting for a pat on the head. And don't do it in a grudging way that makes your partner feel like you're guilt-tripping them because they didn't do it.
Send romantic messages throughout the day
Ok, so you have to work. You can still build the mood: send romantic messages throughout the day. After all, you spend half the time glued to your damned phone anyway: surely you can spare the time for a call, voicemail, or a few texts.
Splash out on the GRAND gesture
All of the above are inexpensive, personal ways to show someone how much they mean to you. They require more thought and effort than a trip to Asda, and are likely to be met with appreciation proportionate to the amount of time and work you put in.
VAL 1 is available to purchase today!
On the other hand, some of you have something that the rest of us lack. Yes, We're talking about disposable income. Seriously, you're loaded and you know it. With a bank balance like that, to just go with a dinner at the local gastropub and a few homemade chocolate crispies would just be cheap.
Every year we bring a variation on the same theme: Britain must work harder at the romantic stuff. If you really want to change our low opinion of the nation's romantic pedigree, do something extraordinary. By all means include some of the personal little things we listed above but, also, spend some of that surplus wealth. Put your money where your heart is. Buy your loved one the ultimate personal gift - a private number plate from Regtransfers.
What? Oh, don't pretend you didn't know it was coming. Yes, we do it every year. Yes, we should be ashamed of such blatant, commercial cynicism. But none of that changes the fact that a personal number plate really is one of the best gifts you could give. The clue is in "personal". A private registration really is personal: it can represent the recipient's name, something special about them, a subtle reference to some shared secret or experience. It can last a lifetime, accompanying them on their journey, no matter how many cars may come and go.
To be honest, you don't even have to be wealthy to afford a private plate. Our range starts at around £250.
Just take a moment to think, and to take a look at the possibilities. We can provide name registrations, stunning number 1 registrations, birthdays, wedding anniversary dates … You name it. If you can't quite decide what's just right, we offer gift vouchers in a range of designs, and a choice of value denominations from £10 to £10,000, so the lucky recipient can choose whatever they like best.
Buy a gift voucher today!
Show us we're wrong. Prove to us that the UK is better than a wilting bunch of unidentifiable blooms from a petrol station, that Islington and Catford are every bit as romantic as Paris or Rome.
Happy Valentine's Day.
